April 19, 2014

How to be as unheterosexual as possible.

Have a sexual partner who looks exactly like you.

Photos of examples of such couples here, where the examples are all male.

Via Metafilter, where the first comment calls attention to the way this can also happen with a male-female couple.

What's the basis for the belief that partners should be different from each other? You could say it's needed for sexual reproduction, and we could look at how sexual dimorphism evolved, but there's no reason why faces need to look different for reproductive purposes.

Perhaps it has something to do with the old-fashioned notion that you shouldn't be in love with yourself. (I say "old-fashioned" because it contradicts the modern "self-esteem" movement.)

Related topics: 1. Whether a couple starts out looking alike or just ends up that way, 2. The fear/love of twins ("geminiphobia"/"geminiphilia"), 3. The way people get dogs that look like them (or end up looking like their dogs), 4. The way women are getting little dogs instead of having babies.

37 comments:

traditionalguy said...

Cousins fall for cousins. That's why laws are needed to stop that inbreeding tendency. No body ask the SCOTUS about it or they will have to call it a Religious Rule and outlaw it for the Brave New World of secular humanism.

Darleen said...

All notions about consanguinity in marriage are icky divisive Judeo-Christian and should be done away with as we have correctly done with sex. Ying/Yang? Loving The Other? Sexes as complimentary?

Balderdash.

Love is the ultimate narcissism ... and until we get rid of the false social construct of the exclusivity of love, there will never be equality.

David said...

I vowed to scroll through to the end, but there was no end.

David said...

My wife looks nothing like me. Luckily for her.

Paul said...

The cultural Marxist drive for androgyny is as misguided as every other Marxist ploy.

I look at the sexes and the great differences, physical, emotional, and intellectual, between them as sort of an electric potential...a very masculine man and a very feminine woman have charge between them proportionate to their divergent natures. This forms the basis of a very energetic and dynamic relationship in a positive sense. The idea of yin and yang as complimentary energies essentially.

CM and its offshoots fight a quixotic and pathological battle against human nature with its Procrustean attempts at forced equality.

Quixotic because it is doomed to fail.

Pathological because it wages war on disfavored groups by, race, sex, or class, with catastrophic results in terms of human suffering.

George M. Spencer said...

Mick.

Bianca.

Wince said...

"I want you to make Scott look like this."

(Uncomfortable silence.)

B said...

"but there's no reason why faces need to look different for reproductive purposes."

Faces might be a pretty strong indicator of genetic difference.

Fandor said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
gadfly said...

The fear/love of twins ("geminiphobia"/"geminiphilia")

As a monozygotic twin, I don't relate to the problem. My brother used to tell me he hated me but we both outgrew the war between siblings by age 15.

But I have never been confronted by people with a love or hate condition related to the fact that I am a twin - and I have lived a long time.

I am betting that you all have never talked to a twin who has encountered such a person.

Titus said...

My hubby and I look nothing alike.

He is brown and I am white.

I would never want a white guy like me.

Ann Althouse said...

Geminiphobia is used in the movie "The Shining" to creep us out.

Ann Althouse said...

Famous Diane Arbus photo of twins, considered v disturbing.

Tyrone Slothrop said...

It would be much simpler to just jack off with your left hand.

Will Cate said...

I am reminded of the old Seinfeld episode where it's pointed out to Jerry that his current girlfriend looks just like him (which immediately creeps him out).

She eventually gets a short haircut, and then she really does look like him.

The Cracker Emcee Refulgent said...

Attraction or vanity? Or vanity driving attraction? Regardless, some of the more extreme forms of vanity are just flat out creepy. Yes, thank God my wife doesn't look like me and thank God my sons look like my wife.

mishu said...

Will Cate, that was George's girlfriend that looked like Jerry. Remember, George has unresolved issues about his relationship with Jerry.

The Godfather said...

I'm trying to think of whether any of my gay and lesbian friends look like their partners/spouses, and I really can't think of any that do. Not like the photos you linked to.

Whether gay or straight, we do tend to pair up with people with whom we are comfortable, so often we share the same race, ethnicity, age, etc. In that sense, couples may look alike. We may share the same sense of style, particularly if that reflects our family or social background. Perhaps this is the reason that gay couples may have a greater tendency to look alike than do straight couples: If I am a preppy and am attracted to a preppy girl, she and I will still look very different because the preppy look is different for guys and girls. But if I were a gay preppy, my preppy partner and I might dress and look a lot alike.

Paddy O said...

Will, I think you're thinking of the episode that has George dating a Jerry clone, his "man love for a she jerry." George denies it. Then she gets gum in her and gets a Jerry haircut.

Janeane Garofalo starred as Jerry's girlfriend where they were almost entirely alike.

KRAMER: If a guy saved your life you'd be in love with him too.

JERRY: No, no this woman is different , she's incredible. she's just like me. She talks like me, she acts like me. She even ordered cereal at a restaurant. We even have the same initials. Wait a minute, I just realised what's going on.

KRAMER: What?

JERRY: Now I know what I've been looking for all these years......myself! (Kramer is speechless) I've been waiting for me to come along and now I 've swept myself off my feet.

Fritz said...

"All notions about consanguinity in marriage are icky divisive Judeo-Christian and should be done away with as we have correctly done with sex. Ying/Yang? Loving The Other? Sexes as complimentary?"

After all, marriage is no longer tied to reproduction; why not?

Why can't we go on as three?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Aej9wmoQ7M

David said...

Ok, I'll try to get serious on this topic for just a second.

What interested me was how really strong the resemblances were in most cases. In fact, the people who very pointedly dressed exactly alike, did their hair the same, cut beards the same etc seemed somewhat less resemblant of each other than the ones who were being more casual in their presentation. Why is that? I do not have a theory, other than that they were trying to force something that was not really there.

I was also struck that nearly all the people pictured were young and male. That probably reflects a group that is particularly interested in showing off on a web site, but maybe with gay couples the differences accumulate as they age. Most older gay men I've known are pretty comfortable. They don't seem to feel that have a lot to prove about their choices or their sexuality. They are just guys (though I do wonder if they are butching it up just to make straights like me feel more comfortable.) Older gays, like older people in general, seem to reach an acceptance of themselves and their fate that can be quite peaceful.

But why the lack of women on this web site? Are women less likely to seek this kind of resemblant match? My experience with gay women has not been nearly as pleasant as with gay men. I like women and get along well with women, but gay women seem a different cat entirely. Gay guys are, by and large, still guys in most respects. Gay women do not seem to know what they are--so much angst and conflict, so much competition in their relationships. Or maybe I'm just the kind of straight male that sets them on edge. I don't kiss ass (figurative or literal) and that seems to grate.

Of course I live in a more conservative community now. No longer Chicago. Contrary to popular prejudice, gays are not hounded here. There are lots of gay people and mostly they are just part of the fabric. But perhaps by self selection or conscious conformity the gay men chose to appear more mainstream.

Anyway, the most interesting thing about those photos was that it made me think about gayness, which is something I don't usually do, except to wish that the hectoring element would stop the hectoring.

There, I feel better now.

Titus said...

"so often we share the same race, ethnicity, age, etc.'

Not all of us. The thought of having a partner who is blonde, norwegian and midwestern makes me gross out.

I want the exact opposite of me.

I love swarthy, exotic, foreign and brown or dark skinned....an accent is preferred but not required.

Oh and brooding!!! I hate cheerful, happy, smiley!

Titus said...

My husband, who is incredibly successful and sexy, is a major brooder, and I love that.

He is also younger than me by 7 years, yet pays for everything.

Titus said...

And he has a much better body and look than me....yet still pays all the time.

Titus said...

But I tell him he should pay for having a white boyfriend. I tell him we whites are superior to his brown third world crap. He reminds me that he is high in the caste system, but I tell him that is low in American whitey system....now suck my cock.

I call him brownie, turd face, husker du, and slurpy maker....and he still pays.

Diogenes of Sinope said...

My wife looks exactly like me, we could be brother and sister. But our kids look like our mail-man....what the hell?

Ann Althouse said...

@Titus How do you feel about the fact that others are obvious much more homoerotic than you are?

In fact, you are characterizing yourself as "heterosexual," in the literal sense of the roots of that word in that you want to have sex with The Other.

Ann Althouse said...

Thanks for the Seinfeld stuff. That is exactly on point!

cubanbob said...

Have a sexual partner who looks exactly like you."

I always was looking for better looking than me-a step up and not a side step. Althouse on Titus-now that's brilliant!

Phil 314 said...

Titus is the Professor's play thing. He amuses her.

Renee said...

And this is why Bert and Ernie are not a couple.

Anthony said...

Traditionalguy takes a mighty swing at Althouse softball pitch, and hits a ground-rule double. It's not about a couple looking like they're cousins, it's about them looking like brother and sister. Marrying cousins is natural in most of the world, but the taboo against brother-sister invest is universal.

stlcdr said...

Some people look like their dogs, too (or is it visa-versa?).

Unknown said...

this reminds me a of a boyfriend i had as a teenager. it was my aunt who first said that we looked so much alike and kept harping on the fact. that's around the same time i started having serious doubts about the relationship. i don't know why, but the thought really disgusted me. maybe chalk it up to low self esteem and teenage body issues/insecurities.

Steve said...

You'd think, in the most intimate and passionate relationship of your life, that diversity would be valued. How boring to see oneself not just in front of the mirror but everywhere else in that relationship.

Will Cate said...

Thank you Patrick O... I didn't think I was remembering that quite correctly.

Jeff with one 'f' said...

The end of Jerry's romance with "himself":

Jerry: I think I may have made a big mistake.

Kramer: Oh! Come on.

Jerry: All of a sudden it hit me, I realized what the problem is; I can't be with someone like me..

I hate myself!! If anything I need to get the exact opposite of me....It's too much. .It's too Much

I can't take it ...I can't take it!!!